• Changing the language of Sex Work
• Fetish Definitions

Changing the language of sex work:

prostituted women = women with a pimp
sex business managers = brothel keepers
Commercial sex = "prostitution" or "sex work"

BDSM & FETISH Definitions

BDSM - Safe, Sane, and Consensual

Over 15 years ago, the SM/Leather/Fetish Community established a community-wide ethic known as “Safe, Sane and Consensual”.

1. Safe is being knowledgeable about the techniques and safety concerns involved in what you are doing.
2. Sane is knowing the difference between fantasy and reality.
3. Consensual is respecting the limits imposed by each participant. One of the most easily recognized ways to maintain limits is through use of a “safeword” — whereby participants can withdraw consent at any time with a single word or gesture.

Abrasion: Using something rough (such as sandpaper). (An abraded area where the skin is torn or worn off)

Aftercare: The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants calm down, discuss the previous events and their personal reactions to them, and slowly come back in touch with reality. Failure to engage in proper aftercare can lead to subdrop.

Age Play: Usually referring to Daddy/daughter or Mommy/baby role play. Does not usually include or infer aspects of incest, but rather the nurturing relationship of Parent/child or Teacher/student. etc.

algolagnia: Love of pain, from the Greek. Psychological term to describe SM preferred by sexologist Havelock Ellis, who saw it as 'pain given in love'. Perhaps useful to describe that element of SM that is about the enjoyment of pain itself rather than acting out domination and submission.

altocalciphilia - Fetish for high heels

Anal torture: The BDSM practice of inflicting pain on the anus.

AT (Animal Training) Where the submissive acts or dresses/treated like an animal (puppy, pony, cow, etc.).

Auctioned: Where the Dom/me and/or sub is auctioned off to the highest bidder (usually supervised and for temporary use).

BS Brown Shower - playing with feces.

Bastinado - Form of torture or punishment involving beating the soles of the feet; these are very tender and should be handled with care.

Bear - Usually a large, bearded, perhaps older and even overweight man, preferably with substantial body hair. The bear community overlaps with the gay leather community and those who describe themselves as, or say they are seeking, bears may have very 'masculine' images and interests that sometimes shade over into SM. A smaller or slighter and perhaps younger and submissive man who seeks the company of bears is sometimes called a cub

Birch/Birching: Light wooden rod or bundle of twigs, traditionally from the birch tree; striking with such an implement

Black - Hanky code for 'heavy SM', usually involving flagellation of some sort and/or other forms of painful play.

Bottom: submissive or one who gives up control, or simply one who receives physical sensation from a Top in a scene.

Boy: Common term for male submissive, with less expression of permanence about it than the term 'slave'. May or may not imply age play.

Breath Control: The Dom controls the sub's breathing. Various methods used such as strangulation, covering mouths and nose, drowning etc. - could be to panic or unconsciousness.

Butterfly Board: Toy used in some play piercing games: a card or wood board with a hole cut to the shape of the cock and balls. The board is placed over the genitals and the skin of the edges of the cock and scrotum is pinned with needles or nails to it.

CBT: Cock and ball torture

CP - Corporal Punishment: punishment involving the infliction of pain,

Cane/Caning: Thin flexible rod, traditionally of rattan; striking with such an implement as in the old-style school punishment, typically across the buttocks.

Cat 'o nine tails: Multi-tailed whip with weighted and/or cutting ends, from the traditional naval punishment implement the Cat o' Nine Tails. A similar whip with plain ends is sometimes known as a flogger.

Catheter/Cath: Flexible tube used in medical treatment and surgery for feeding into various body structures to allow access from the outside. In SM most likely to mean those catheters designed for the bladder, often utilized in SM 'control' scenes: the best type to use for this purpose is the foley catheter, which has a balloon that can be inflated with sterile water to hold it in place once inserted. Also referred to as sounding, urethral play, and the Briefing.

Chastity: usually banning or physically preventing someone from achieving orgasm or even any form of genital stimulation in the long term, Also known as enforced chastity (EC). A device intended for this purpose is known as a chastity belt or a chastity device, and wearing such a device is a form of bondage; it can also be achieved by infibulations.

Collared: Submissive or slave who is owned (usually in a loving intimate relationship)

Collaring: Ceremony when a Dom commits to a sub (much like a wedding)

Consensual Non-consensual: The pleasurable fantasy of inflicting or being a victim to an act of consensual play-rape fantasy.

Cross: A major item of bondage furniture, usually constructed of wood often equipped with extra fixtures, for binding a person, particularly in preparation for flogging and whipping scenes. The familiar straight cross is known as a St George's cross; the X-shaped St Andrew's cross is much more convenient

Cross dresser: Dressing in clothing usually worn by the opposite sex. Sometimes employed in power and humiliation games, and seems most common on the heterosexual BDSM scene where male bottoms are instructed to wear female clothing and even wigs and makeup by female tops. Unsurprisingly, given the unequal social roles of men and women, men are more likely to find women's clothes humiliating, whereas women might dress in men's clothes to feel powerful and dominant. There are accounts of some societies where people cross dressed in order to have homosexual sex: sometimes likely to be heterosexual. Cross-dressing and transvestism should not be confused with transexuality, where a person wants to change their body to that of the opposite sex.

Crucifixion: This ancient Roman method of execution is universally known from the story of Jesus and its symbolic role in Christianity, With care, non-fatal crucifixions of the nail-free variety can be incorporated into scenes.

Cub: Term sometimes used for a young, and perhaps smaller and submissive man who seeks the company of bears.

cupping: The placing of suction devices on the skin, once used to draw blood to the surface for medical leeching but now sometimes used in scenes to sensitize the skin and particularly nipples. Rubber suction cups found in snakebite kits are often used; other devices include a sealable tube through which the air can be sucked out of the cup. Avoid extreme pressure such as that available with powered pumps, and be aware that the activity can cause welting.

Cutting: Cutting the surface of the skin with a sharp blade, for the thrill, the sensation or pain, or to create decorative scars The same basic safety precautions apply as with play piercing: clean the skin, use sterile implements such as the sealed sterile scalpels and razor blades available from medical suppliers, and avoid areas with major blood vessels near the surface of the skin., and treatment with antiseptics afterwards is essential.

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DM (Dungeon Monitor):, a person who volunteers to supervise the interactions between participants at a play party to ensure safety
dacryphilia: Sexual arousal from seeing tears in the eyes of one's partner.

Dom/me or Dominant: Dom: Man who takes control - Domme is a woman who takes control

D/s: Domination/submission
depilation (body shaving) Removal of hair. The removal of most body hair except the pubic hair for cosmetic purposes is socially acceptable in women, and even expected in many Western countries, but for men it is much more likely to be for erotic purposes

Dungeon: Usually referring to a room or area with BDSM equipment and play space. (no they're not always in a basement *grin)

EC - Enforced Chastity

Edge Play: SM play involving blood, breath control, permanent marking, knives, or fire, sometimes with a greater risk of danger.
elastrator: Device, resembling a pair of tongs, used for applying very strong and tight elastic bands, intended for vet nary use in castrating and tail-cropping young animals, but sometimes used as a form of clamp in SM play, especially on nipples (prolonged wearing of such bands should be avoided).

Electrical Play, electro torture. Using electricity in SM games seems a scary notion to many people but it can easily be made safe provided two simple rules are followed: only use devices powered by low-powered batteries, and certainly no mains-powered appliances; and avoid placing any contacts above the waist (including on hands or arms), because even small currents in the heart or brain can disrupt those organs' own delicate electrical activity with serious consequences. Popular devices include Relaxicisors, and TENS machines, designed for muscle and back-pain therapy, and violet wands, which use radio frequency discharge and can be used above the waist provided the face is avoided

Enema: A thorough anal douche using a bag and tube.

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Fetish: A specific obsession or delight in one object. (i.e. foot fetish)

Fisting: aka Fist fucking, FF, handballing Placing or attempting to place the whole hand (or even both hands) into the rectum or vagina. Once it is fully inserted, a process that requires a great deal of gentleness, care and patience. Moving the fist repeatedly in and out of the orifice is known as punch fucking; it is a dangerous advanced technique and relatively rare.

Figging: A sexual practice involving the insertion of a prepared finger of ginger root or even pepper into the anus. The burning sensation is intended to create intense pleasure.

Fire Play: Using flammable liquids on a person or object to create quick, fleeting instances of flame on the skin of the bottom. Risk of injury is increased and the Top should be learned with fire play skills.

Flagellation or flag commonly known as "whipping"

Flogger: Multi-tailed implement designed for striking the body, similar to a cat but normally with broad, blunt tails rather than those that end in sharp knots or spikes (a whip)

Free Play: A form of play sometimes employed when the main interest in an SM activity is the physical sensation or experience, where no domination or submission is involved and the partners swap roles during the scene or do things to each other simultaneously. \

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Girl: Common term for female submissive, with less expression of permanence about it than the term 'slave'. May or may not imply age play.

Handkerchief codes: visible signs to indicate to others your area of BDSM interest

Hard limits: What someone absolutely will not do, usually non-negotiable?

Harem: A group of subs serving one or more Dom/mess.

High Protocol - refers to groups that adhere to strict roles and role-based rules of conduct,

Infantilism: Parent/child or parent/baby role playing.

Insertables: Anything inserted into a bodily orifice, ass or pussy for sexual purposes. Examples include the buttplug, the dildo,

Knife Play: Slow, methodical sensation of the bottom with the edges and points of knives, usually without cutting the skin. Fear of the weapon plays alarge part in the stimulus of the bottom.

Low protocol - refers to groups that are more relaxed

Limits - The boundaries that are discussed and set during the negotiation. These limits are set in order to make sure that the scene is pleasurable for all involved.

lunge whip / Quirt. Long thin whip used in coaching and carriage-driving

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Masochism: Act of receiving pain for sensual/sexual pleasure. alternatively a masochist is a person who enjoys receiving pain

Medical Play: Scene involving some form of medical procedure or scenario, perhaps with the top playing the role of a doctor or nurse and the bottom a patient, often with a control element. Typical medical scenes may involve intrusive physical examinations and insertive medical equipment such as specula, douching and enemas, and perhaps catheterization, piercing, suturing, electricity, breath control

Mummification: A specialized kind of bondage in which the whole body, including the head if some form of breathing tube is used, is wrapped tightly using materials like saran wrap and duct tape, cloth or latex bandages until the bottom (the mummee) is completely immobilized. Holes are then sometimes made for access to genitals and other areas

Munch: A group of people that are into BDSM meeting at a vanilla place. Sometimes this is a club. You might see an announcement like, "This weekend's munch is at Denny's"

Needle Play: Temporary piercing done with sterile needles of varying gauges, usually only for the duration of a scene.

Negotiation: Communication between SM participants that occurs prior to a scene in which participants discuss their interests, set limits, and communicate the safeword to be used.

OTK: Over the knee (spanking).

Old Guard: Old Guard refers to high protocol groups, particularly gay leather BDSM groups.

PE - Power Exchange: A term used by some people to refer to what happens in a BDSM scene when the bottom agrees to be submissive and/or gives up control to the top. Also sometimes identified as the defining characteristic of SM, which has been described as 'a form of eroticism based on a consensual exchange of power'

Painslut: Painslut: A person who enjoys receiving a heavy degree of pain but may or may not necessarily enjoy submitting.

Pain games: SM activities involving pain.

Parachute: A toy shaped like a shallow cone, usually of leather or neoprene, with a hole in the centre and chains or cords hanging from around the rim and joined together belief, slightly resembling a parachute, and use for weighting the balls by resting the parachute on them with the scrotum passing up through the hole and hanging weights from the chains to inflict genital torture

Petticoat Discipline: being punished by the humiliation of having to wear a kilt without a sporran,

percussion Play: Term used by some SMers to group together all activities involving repeated striking, with the hands or with any heavy or light, blunt, cutting or stinging implement.

Pervertible: term used widely to describe objects intended for some non-sexual use, especially everyday household objects, which can nonetheless be appropriated for BDSM play. Typical pervertibles are clothes pegs, cling film, household candles

Play party: A BDSM event involving many people engaging in scenes

Play Piercing: activity that involves piercing the body with a thin, sharp object such as a needle. Carried out for the experience of the piercing itself, the sensation of which can vary between barely noticeable and excruciating depending on where and how it is done. Thinner needles are used and are removed before the end of the session

Pro Dom/me: Male or female professional Dominant (charges money)

Pony Play: Sub is dressed in a pony outfit, with mouth bit and anal plug with a tail. They are told to prance or behave like a pony.

Puppy Play: Sub is made to act like a puppy. Sub barks, whines, eats from a bowl, etc. Such play is almost never sexual, but rather focuses on the altered mind-space of bottom/pup.

RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink

Retifism: the fetish for boots or shoes is a common fetish, often linked to domination. See the Boots and Shoes briefing.

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Sadism/Sadist: The act of inflicting pain - Sadist is a person who enjoys inflicting pain (usually sexually charged)

SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual): SAFE - attempts should be made to identify and prevent risks to health. SANE - activities should be undertaken in a sane and sensible cast of mind. CONSENSUAL - all activities should involve the full consent of everyone involved.

Safe word: When a participant utters a safe word, BDSM activity stops. (Usually - RED means stop, YELLOW - limitations are being pushed)

Scat: Feces play also known as BS - brown shower

Scene/Session: Scene - time period of BDSM activities. / Session - BDSM activities with a Pro-Dom/me

Slave: Person who gives up a great degree of control in an ongoing D/s relationship, sometimes with few remaining limits. Often those who identify as "slave" have a great desire for being of service to their dominant, sometimes referred to as "service-oriented submission."

Slave position: Also called The Pleasure Position. Sub is kneeling, legs spread, head down and hands on thighs, with palms up

Soft Limits: Something that someone is hesitant to do or nervous to try. They can sometimes be talked into the activity.

Subdrop: Subdrop: A physical condition, often with cold- or flu-like symptoms, experienced by a (Click link for more info and facts about submissive) submissive after an intense session of BDSM play. This can last for as long as a week, and is best prevented by aftercare immediately after the session.

Submissive: "sub" for short. Person that gives up control either all the time or only during a scene

Subspace: A "natural high" that a sub gets during a scene or when being controlled.

Switch: Someone who likes being both Dominant and submissive, either in one scene or on different occasions.

Top: Dominant person either all the time or only during a scene.

Training: Either referring to a short period of time (a scene) or an ongoing effort of the Dom/me teaching the sub how to act. Can either be a playful thing or a serious thing, depending on the couple.

Vanilla: Someone who isn't in the lifestyle. Alternatively, sexual behavior which doesn't encompass BDSM activity. The term is sometimes used in a derogatory sense

Wax Play: The Dom/me drips hot wax on the sub
water sports: playing with piss.